Saturday, February 25, 2017

MIND IS RACING - Can't sleep

When I returned from the ENT clinic all I wanted to do was sleep.  I was in shock and didn't feel anything except the need to escape.  I was caring for two dogs that had scheduled appointments with me so had to stay awake for them.  They will be going home in a few days.  I've cancelled other sitting jobs for next month.  Still have bookings for April and May but will wait and see how things are going at that time.

I confided in one of my doggie parents named Becky and she informed me that she is also a throat cancer survivor.  After sharing her experiences with me I felt my spirits lifting out of the depression I now find myself in.  She was kind enough to offer to visit me after work as well as care for my dogs if necessary.  That was very sweet of her.  I will accept her offer graciously.

Have been online and reading more testimonials from Throat Cancer survivors and it gives me a good feeling and sense of relief to know what to expect in advance so I can emotionally prepare.  Reading one after the other I feel that they are talking to me directly and get a sense of support that I would like to get face to face but for now this will do.

Called my son today, who lives a couple of hours away, and informed him of the situation.  We are making arrangements to meet in Baton Rouge at Capital One Bank for him to sign some papers in order to be placed on all of my accounts.  My mood improved after a long conversation with him.  It sure does help to talk to someone about all this.  The good mood doesn't last long but every spurt helps.

Before all of this started happening, I was in the process of pressure washing my house and painting.  No money in the budget to hire someone so I am doing it myself.  Yesterday I really had to force myself to get off the sofa and put my paint clothes on and do a little more painting.  After a while I felt much better.  Today I did the same thing and felt good for a little while.  It was a beautiful sunny and cool day and I spent hours of it outdoors.

But no matter what I'm doing my mind races back to the fact that I have to go through this horrible ordeal that lies ahead of me.  The unknown is very frightening.

My beautiful blue townhouse.  I have since painted the deck white and added a carport.


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