Saturday, May 20, 2017


Had a bad reaction to the Bentle medication given to me by the Gastro doctor for Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  Severe constipation, bloating, and stomach pain started yesterday and has eased up some today.  Last night the pain was really awful.  I put a heating pad on my abdomen and tried to sleep but didn't get much.  

At first I didn't know if it was the Bentle or the antibiotic Clindamycin given me by the dentist that was causing this pain as they both have the same side effects.  So today I didn't take either one.  My abdomen is sore like I have been punched in the gut.  Still bloated and constipated.  Last night I took 2 stool softeners and had a little relief today with a few small bowel movements but still not normal.

On top of all this I'm experiencing some emotional distress.  After reading more information online I came across some medical journals that gave percentage of survival rates for my type of cancer and it is less than I originally thought.  One site stated 60 to 80% 5 year survival rate.  I thought it was 80 to 90%.  I'm not a gambler so to me it is just a death sentence either way. 

So I've been down all day and my spirits have plummeted to an all time low.  I have no energy to care for myself or get dressed and go out to walk the dogs.  All I want to do is sleep.  Scary thoughts have crossed my mind.  Do I really want to go through this treatment hell and die a couple of years later anyway?  Why go through all that pain?  

The side effects of Radiation Therapy are horrible.  Living alone I will have no one to help me in the middle of the night when I'm sick and throwing up.  Who will help me prepare nourishment for me or assist with tube feeding.  I just don't think I can do this alone.  I may not have the strength. 

I'm so scared.

No comments:

Post a Comment